The biggest problem with the self-help movement is ...

the title 'self-help'

It makes too many people think that they should be able to read about techniques, use 5%, and tackle all their problems on their own. Change is a tough enough thing to accomplish, and just because you buy a hammer, wood and nails doesn't mean you're going to finish building your dream house.

Sometimes people end up getting caught up (or lost) in all the various things they could be doing ...


Spider Robinson penned a wonderful line - "Pain shared is lessened, joy shared, increased -- thus do we refute entropy*"

While it's up to the individual to create the change they seek, doing so in isolation is far from the best course of action. The trick is finding the right people to partner with on the journey.

Perhaps "Life's Journey" is too corny a name for what people are learning about and undertaking, but at least it's more accurate and empowering. I'm still tossing around these possibilities:
Life Development
Life Fulfillment
Life Growth
Life Actualization
Life Enhancement

In the meantime you may want to ask yourself:

What am I trying to do on my own?
Who do I know that no longer has that concern? (someone I can learn from)
What's going on in their life that I could help with?

Or hire a professional to spend less time dreaming about, crafting, and building the dream house that is your life. (A good coach will also help you enjoy the process and results more)




* entropy is the tendency for increased randomness (aka craziness & hecticness)

Stressed out caregivers

The three main types of caregivers I come across are:

• Parents supporting and raising their kids
• Children looking after their parents
• People whose job is to support others (teachers, sales people, nurses, receptionists, etc.)

The next time you talk to such a person ask, "Who's taking care of you?"

Most likely you'll get an exhaled laugh with eyes rolling up (to indicate a pipe-dream "I wish"), or down (to indicate "I gave up on that wish").

For all you caregivers out there running on fumes - it may seem impossible* to fit in, but a little time where you are the focus of the care will have a tremendous impact on your ability to provide the quality of service you're determined to give.

Whether it's an extra walk through the park, asking someone to help you, meditating for 15 minutes, taking a bath (with essential oils), light reading, a fun evening with friends, or a myriad of other options to relax and rejuvenate. You have to find a way to recharge your batteries. The people who rely on you deserve to be treated by the best you possible.

Note: Shopping, watching television, and drinking alcohol do not fit the rejuvenating criteria.

* it's not impossible, it's just different from what you're currently doing

Identifying your decision making process

Much like a preferred learning modality, each of us has a preferred method of making decisions.

Knowing what to prepare, and what steps to follow will make deciding major issues on your own easier.

Plus, if you're in a group that needs to come to a consensus before moving forward, it would be much easier to get your point across if you understood how each person would like to process the issue.

Alex Linsker has come up with a great visual tool for quickly determining your decision style.

An optimistic view of stress

There have been many studies on the differences between optimists and pessimists.

Overall, optimists attribute permanence, pervasive, and personal (the 3 Ps) to positive aspects of themselves and good things that happen, and only temporary status to negative ones.

"I do well on tests because I'm smart."
"I got that question wrong because it was hard."

Pessimists do the opposite - attributing the 3 Ps to negative aspects of themselves and bad things that happen and only temporary status to positive ones.

"I did well on that test because it was easy."
"I get questions wrong because I'm stupid."

Let's apply this to stress:
How much ownership do you take? How do you relate to your stress?

Consider the statements:
"Taking that test triggered a button within me."
"I get stressed when taking tests."

With the 1st statement, we've limited the scope of the effect of the test to an isolated incident.
With the 2nd statement, we've applied a universal statement to test-taking.

Which format are you using to describe the incidences in your life?

My Letterman Debut - stress free and loving it!

It finally happened. All the preparation and concern for the taping, the waiting for the actual broadcast, and now that it's here I couldn't be more pleased.

Quick recap:

In October 2007, The Late Show With David Letterman requested that I be one of five life coaches to work with anxiety-ridden comedian Andy Kindler.

For 90 minutes I utilized the Seven R's of Stress Release to address his stresses with relationships, confidence, and Stand-Up life.

Read my blog entries for a more detailed account of the experience.

Go to StopStressingOut.com to watch the segment that aired on January 24th, 2008.

Letterman air-date announced!

Watch as I teach even anxiety-ridden comedian Andy Kindler how he can Stop Stressing Out!

The Late Show with David Letterman
Thursday, January 24th
11:30pm (Eastern) on CBS affiliates

Proud to support a Union-backed Show

I received word that my segment on Late Show with David Letterman will air soon. I may not even get 24 hours notice, but will send out a notice very soon after I do.