The most important word in stress

Releasable
Adj: Capable of being let go.

Everything you find stressful is releasable. Once you've decided what's really stressable in your life, your ability to succeed in moving on is dependent on how much you believe that it's releasable.

Releasing is a two step process: *

1) Awareness of where/how it's being held on to.

2) Using the relevant technique to let go.

Where are you holding something?

- In your hand? Open it.

- In your muscles? Breathe, hug, stretch, exercise, get poked (with acupuncture), massage ... whatever, try different physical/sense-releated activities and see which one works for you.

- In your mind? Don't think of an elephant.

You may have done this one in the past - someone tells you not to think of an elephant and you can't help but think of the many aspects of that elephant ... how big it is, it's color, trunk length, etc. You can't couldn't but think of the elephant. The same is true for this stressful thing you're holding onto in your head.

Do you remember how many vowels are in the title of this blog post?

By the way, you just stopped thinking of elephants. That's the key, thinking of something else. And if you recognize that you can let go of a thought once, you can do it twice, and if you can do it twice, you can keep doing it - each time for longer and longer periods. Eventually you'll release it forever. (Byron Katie talks a lot about this.)

Think anything isn't releaseable? Let me know in a comment!

* (Note: You don't have to do anything about the situation to make the stress about it go away. Please listen to what stress is indicating that you'd like changed and pick a different reaction when you attempt to deal with it.)

Presentation on August 11th: The Game of Stress

Please join me at the upcoming Applied Improvisation Network (AIN) NY regional meeting on Wednesday, August 11th.

The event is open to improvisers and non-improvisers alike who want to improve their applied improvisation skills and learn more about using improv games as a form of experiential learning in a business/organizational setting.

The evening will consist of some getting-to-know-you games, opportunities to share your favorite and most effective exercises, and I will present - The Game of Stress. (This will be a mini version of the workshop that I will present in September at this year's AIN conference in Amsterdam.)

About The Game of Stress: Discover insights and workable solutions to even your most overwhelming situations resulting in an immediate reduction of stress in your life. Bring your stressful situations and we’ll apply improv exercises to the stress-release methods introduced in my book, The Gift of Stress.

After the session, we'll discuss the exercises used, other ways it could have been facilitated, and conclude with a game swap.

Date/Time: 
Wednesday, August 11th
6:30 to 9:30 PM

Location:
Teachers College, Columbia University
525 West 120th Street b/w Broadway and Amsterdam
map

Directions: 
Take the 1 train to 116th (and Broadway). Walk four blocks North on Broadway, then turn right on 120th. The entrance is half-way down the block on the North side of the street. If you do not see Zohar or Caitlin waiting by the guard's desk, just tell the guard you are going to room 305 in the library. Take the elevator to the third floor, walk through the large reading room to the set of study rooms in the back. We will be in room 305.

Cost: $5 suggested donation to help cover snacks.

RSVP to ainnycmeeting@gmail.com so we can estimate supplies and room size.

The Gift of Stress: the first edition is now a limited edition

The "good" news is that people have really enjoyed and benefited from applying the tools, tips and techniques in The Gift of Stress (check out the reviews on Amazon!)


In the process of promoting the book and getting it into retail outlets (Quest Bookshop being the first to carry it), it got into the hands of a literary agent (Laura Ross from Jill Grinberg Literary Management). Long story short, I'm now in the process of submitting The Gift of Stress to major publishers.


The "bad" news is that I won't be able to sell or print more copies of the book once the proposal I'm writing gets sent out. And if it gets picked up by a publisher, it'll be unavailable for another year.


All this is to say that I'm really proud that the book has been so well received, and bummed that it has to be taken off the shelves so soon. So if you were planning on purchasing a copy,  please don't delay. There are less than 100 copies left and they won't be available much longer.

What We Gain By Being Curious Rather Than Critical

Author Joe Queenan reread Ben Franklin's book, Poor Richard’s Almanac, and shared his thoughts in a July 4th NY Times article called, Ben Franklin s a Big Fat Idiot. It's a well-meaning piece on the man he considers to be a "titan" worthy of his "esteem and affection". That's why it seems odd to me that Queenan doesn't give Franklin's work - one that he has admired for decades! - enough credit. It was the article's concluding paragraph that particularly bothered me.

I still admire Ben Franklin, and will never cease to do so. But from now on, that homage will be qualified. Much as I hate to admit it, sayings like “If it were not for the belly, the back might wear gold” and “A life of leisure and a life of laziness are two things” just don’t cut the mustard. They’re the kind of pointless, obtuse, third-rate flapdoodle Franklin himself would have hated, and for which there is only one proper response: Hey, buddy, go fly a kite.

First of all, one's homage should always be qualified. Admire, believe in, follow, but never blindly.

Second, Queenan abandons much of his favorite historical figure's work. In his race to critique, he misses the opportunity re-find wisdom in the words. One should look to their past inspirations not with a critical mind but a curious one.

In the conclusion, Queenan dismisses the line “a life of leisure and a life of laziness are two things.” Rather than seeking fault, he could have tried to find Franklin's reasoning by asking questions like "How could Franklin's words be right?" and "What's special about them being "two things?"

As a guy whose life revolves around releasing stress, Queenan's dismissal of this line was particularly disappointing to me. I regularly talk with people who feel that if they don't work hard (avoiding leisure) nothing will get done (laziness). Franklin's words correctly state that leisure does not necessitate laziness. They are two separate things. You can get plenty done in a relaxed manner. Plus, the fact of the matter is that everything can't get done, nor should everything that can be done actually be done. This is often overlooked in our do-more society (the Story of the Mexican Fisherman comes to mind).

Third, the attitude of "Hey buddy, if it's not going to be brilliant after 200 years, don't write it!" is a really hostile and unproductive one to have. I have a feeling that Queenan wouldn't ever write a word (let alone this article or his books) if that standard was applied to his own writing.

Lastly, "go fly a kite"? I know it's a historical quip, but in our society it's also a blow-off. If you wouldn't say it to your titan's face (and I have a hard time believing Queenan would), don't write it.

Boring + Fun = Not Boring

When we take the time to add fun to a situation it gets transformed. A lot of people use stress/deadlines/self-flagellation as motivation to do something. Yet we all have things that we do because there's an inner motivation - have you ever had to give yourself a deadline to get dessert?


VolkWagon has a campaign that shows innovative ways they've gotten people to do "boring" things - they call it The Fun Theory. Their most popular video shows how to get people to use the stairs instead of taking the escalator. (Thanks to Shreedevi for reminding me of the campaign.)





For those who want to take the stairs more, but are on a budget, feel free to substitute "piano" for "humming a song" as you walk up.


UPDATE:
Yesterday I played croquet with some friends - it's a fun game, but can become boring quickly. To add some fun I came up with the idea of giving each player the opportunity to place an obstacle (usually a bag) on the field once per game, at least 18 inches from a wicket. This addition created a sense of excitement and unpredictability that changed the tide each game.


Have you added an element of fun to a "boring" activity? Share it in the comments!

New Stop Stressing Radio Show: Being Alone, Driving & Texting

The latest episodes of the Stop Stressing Radio Show are available for download!

In the May 3rd episode my co-host Michele Lamoureux and I discussed how the stress of being alone impacts our health and relationships, as well as what you can do about it. 

In the May 10th episode we discussed the impact of the new laws on driving and texting, and how they relate to other times where something we've grown used to gets taken away.

Lots of stories, tips and concepts are shared! Particularly how to apply the Four Diffusers to each of the situations and points of view.


Listen to the podcast directly or download it from our station's site.

New shows are recorded live every Monday at 2pm, audience call-ins are welcome! (347) 857-3382.

Have a topic you'd like discussed? Leave a comment to this post or send me an email: zo AT StopStressingOut dot Com

An Interview About Stress and Humor

Earlier this week I was interviewed by Drew Tarvin of HumorThatWorks.com - a site dedicated to helping corporations, companies, managers, employees, and even your average Joe (or Joe-ette) bring humor into the workplace and life in general.

Highlights from our talk include:

• The Gift of Stress (0:35)
• Why We Suck at Handling Stress (5:50)
• Can You Become Stress-Free (9:40)
• The Seven Rs of Stress Release (16:30)
• The All Important Reminder (20:14)
• Humor as a Diffuser (27:15)
• The Stress of a Haircut (32:06)

You can listen to the interview and download the transcript here.