What We Gain By Being Curious Rather Than Critical

Author Joe Queenan reread Ben Franklin's book, Poor Richard’s Almanac, and shared his thoughts in a July 4th NY Times article called, Ben Franklin s a Big Fat Idiot. It's a well-meaning piece on the man he considers to be a "titan" worthy of his "esteem and affection". That's why it seems odd to me that Queenan doesn't give Franklin's work - one that he has admired for decades! - enough credit. It was the article's concluding paragraph that particularly bothered me.

I still admire Ben Franklin, and will never cease to do so. But from now on, that homage will be qualified. Much as I hate to admit it, sayings like “If it were not for the belly, the back might wear gold” and “A life of leisure and a life of laziness are two things” just don’t cut the mustard. They’re the kind of pointless, obtuse, third-rate flapdoodle Franklin himself would have hated, and for which there is only one proper response: Hey, buddy, go fly a kite.

First of all, one's homage should always be qualified. Admire, believe in, follow, but never blindly.

Second, Queenan abandons much of his favorite historical figure's work. In his race to critique, he misses the opportunity re-find wisdom in the words. One should look to their past inspirations not with a critical mind but a curious one.

In the conclusion, Queenan dismisses the line “a life of leisure and a life of laziness are two things.” Rather than seeking fault, he could have tried to find Franklin's reasoning by asking questions like "How could Franklin's words be right?" and "What's special about them being "two things?"

As a guy whose life revolves around releasing stress, Queenan's dismissal of this line was particularly disappointing to me. I regularly talk with people who feel that if they don't work hard (avoiding leisure) nothing will get done (laziness). Franklin's words correctly state that leisure does not necessitate laziness. They are two separate things. You can get plenty done in a relaxed manner. Plus, the fact of the matter is that everything can't get done, nor should everything that can be done actually be done. This is often overlooked in our do-more society (the Story of the Mexican Fisherman comes to mind).

Third, the attitude of "Hey buddy, if it's not going to be brilliant after 200 years, don't write it!" is a really hostile and unproductive one to have. I have a feeling that Queenan wouldn't ever write a word (let alone this article or his books) if that standard was applied to his own writing.

Lastly, "go fly a kite"? I know it's a historical quip, but in our society it's also a blow-off. If you wouldn't say it to your titan's face (and I have a hard time believing Queenan would), don't write it.

Boring + Fun = Not Boring

When we take the time to add fun to a situation it gets transformed. A lot of people use stress/deadlines/self-flagellation as motivation to do something. Yet we all have things that we do because there's an inner motivation - have you ever had to give yourself a deadline to get dessert?


VolkWagon has a campaign that shows innovative ways they've gotten people to do "boring" things - they call it The Fun Theory. Their most popular video shows how to get people to use the stairs instead of taking the escalator. (Thanks to Shreedevi for reminding me of the campaign.)





For those who want to take the stairs more, but are on a budget, feel free to substitute "piano" for "humming a song" as you walk up.


UPDATE:
Yesterday I played croquet with some friends - it's a fun game, but can become boring quickly. To add some fun I came up with the idea of giving each player the opportunity to place an obstacle (usually a bag) on the field once per game, at least 18 inches from a wicket. This addition created a sense of excitement and unpredictability that changed the tide each game.


Have you added an element of fun to a "boring" activity? Share it in the comments!

Book Launch Party!

The 2/22 book launch party was a big success!
Over 50 people turned out to celebrate the release of The Gift of Stress.

 

As part of the festivities, I was able to bring together local friends and business to donate (i.e. give gifts) their products and services towards a free raffle! Everyone who showed up was given a raffle ticket, and could get more raffle tickets for each copy of the book they bought. They then put the ticket in a box designated to the prize they wanted to try for.

I would like to extend a special thanks to my donors:

http://www.MagnetTheater.com - Level 1 improv class

http://www.feng-shui-design-interiors.com - Feng Shui for more money or a new honey

http://www.SushiBySimon.com - Sushi class

http://www.StoryPirates.org - 4 tickets to a any upcoming show

http://www.ObliqSound.com - 4 CDs: "Speak" by Michael Olatuja; "Sira" by Ablaye Cissoko & Volker Goetze; "Abyss" by Jacques Schwarz-Bart; "Like Water" by Anne Drummond

http://www.AndrewShapiro.com - 1 CD: "Numbers, Colors, and People"

http://squeezethestone.org - 1 DVD: "A Good Uplift"

Why reinvent the wheel?

You've quoted from books, used song lyrics to express yourself, sent a picture that someone else took. Sometimes what you're trying to say has already been said. So why go through the hassle?

Happy holidays everyone!

(credit to the Huffington Post via Anthony King for the photo)

Healing Power of Improv

I just came back from Portland, OR where I co-lead a workshop about health, laughter and stress with Sue Walden.

We discussed:

- The impact of laughter and stress on health
- The impact of laughter on the creative process
- Laughter Yoga exercises
- The Four Intensifiers/Diffusers of Stress

and gave a ton of resources.

You can find a pretty detailed write-up on the Applied Improvisation Network's site.

Going off the beaten path

I went mushroom hunting today for the first time. It was such an innocent thrill to traipse through the brush, over mossy logs, and discover hidden treasures - nature's on-going Easter Egg hunt.

One nagging thought kept gnawing at me. Most times I've gone hiking in the past have been in parks with signs telling me to stay on the trail. Unknown consequences loomed - a warning, a fine, expulsion. Well, that wasn't the case today, but letting go of those recurring thoughts took effort since I'd lived with them for so long. The easiest way was to recognize the pattern I had been tied to and consciously immerse myself in the new experience.

(I got so caught up that I forgot to take my camera out and photograph the hunt or the 3 pounds of chantrelles we picked - the photo in this post is from here.)

What Bernie Madoff Couldn’t Steal From My Friend

Everyone's been affected by the recession. My friend, Matt, just happened to be affected by the now most famous of frauds, Bernie Madoff. There's a few interesting things about Matt though - he's got a great attitude, is resourceful, and is a very talented speaker who can share his story like no other.

Below is a video of a speech he gave recently. It touches on the themes of things I strongly believe in - stress is a reaction, you can choose your own reactions, leverage your community to bring yourself greater happiness, Antarctica is a cool place (pardon the pun).

A quick intro by Matt:

"I want to preface this by saying that if this is the first you are hearing that Geneen and I were long-time investors with Bernie Madoff and got financially whacked when he turned out to be a fraud--- I want you to know that we’re doing okay. More than okay, actually--- we’ve both been in a fabulously creative period this past few months since the Madoff debacle. Enjoy the video (no, really, it has some good laughs in it!) and please pass the link on to anyone you know who might find it valuable.
Much love,
Matt"

(in case you can't see the video - see it directly on YouTube)

Outline for an intimate, touching, stress-free wedding speech

I recently returned from a wedding where I was asked to give a speech – with less than 30 minutes to prepare. If you’d like to share a few words at a similar gathering I offer you this outline for an intimate, touching, stress-free wedding speech:

1. Select a theme that illustrates a trait about the groom or bride (like how they're imaginative, caring, terrible dresser).
2. A short introduction on how/why you know the groom or bride.
3. Share a little-known anecdote that illustrates their wonderful trait (the more people present you can refer to in the anecdotes the better it will be received).
4. Share another anecdote that illustrates how the bride (or groom) helps make that trait even better (or fixes a bad one).
5. Pause for a moment, raise a glass, and toast the bride and groom with the lesson from your theme.

Extra tips:

• Smile and make eye contact with tables in each area of the room while you’re talking.
• When you talk about a specific person, look at them. If you’re telling an anecdote where you can’t look at the person you’re talking about pick a different one (seriously).
• You’re not out there to look smart, clever, funny, etc. – just make everyone feel good and you’ve succeeded.
• Keep it short - 2 to 5 minutes at most.
• Talk slowly – there’s a natural tendency to talk quickly when addressing a large audience. You’ll be better understood if you make a point of talking slowly.
• Practice in front of a mirror or friend.

How Ikea can tear you apart or bring you closer

Which mindset will you choose the next time you shop?

Tear apart:
www.nysun.com/style/brken-up-by-ikea/26328/

Bring closer:
urbanprankster.com/tag/ikea/

(Sometimes Ikea works both angles - like with their advertising campaign's slogan, "Just pack up, ship out, find a place of your own. And for all your new things, you know where to come. Make a fresh start.")

(Thanks to Alex for the link that inspired this post)

The urban dictionary grew today

I invented a new word - siouxn

as in: c u siouxn

(see you soon)

proliferate en masse!

P.S. Get creative with usage such as:
I'm on my way and will arrive at your party siouxn
If you don't get off my lawn I'll be siouxn you
I tore my jeans and I need them siouxn
The chips are gone; Siouxn ow what should we munch?

Behind the Scenes of my Letterman Taping

My whole philosophy towards the Letterman taping was not to show off my coaching skills, nor to help Andy Kindler release his stress, but to have a fun time and be as cheerful as possible (and if we got to some coaching and stress-related material that'd be a great bonus.)

I taped with Letterman's crew for over an hour so there was a lot that didn't make it to the 3 minute compilation of all five coaches. Here's a few behind-the-scenes nuggets from the taping.

Intro
Stating who you are in a recording is called a 'slate.' Fortunately I've done some professional voice acting, and have a few slates under my belt. This came in extremely handy when the director asked me to introduced myself:

"Hi, my name is Zohar Adner, a Stress Release Coach with Stop Stressing Out.com"

The director didn't look too pleased with it. I was worried that he wasn't going to let me plug my website, but a moment later he asked me to, "take out the 'hi'."

I smiled; said, "Of course!" and just said the 'hi' in my head before proceeding. Why is it so important to say 'hi'? Because when you want to come off as friendly as possible, a friendly 'hi' is a great way to do so.

Glasses
You may have noticed near the end of the segment that the other coaches are making comments about Andy's glasses and how they fit his face. Why did they not show me in that series of clips? Here's our exchange:

Andy Kindler: "What do you think about my glasses? Do they work for me?"
ZA: "Do you see better with them on or off?"
AK: "On."
ZA: "I guess they work for you."

Andy responded with a pouty face indicating a mix of disappointment and amusement. While Abbott and Costello would have been proud, it didn't fit into the flow.

Posture
At one point Andy was getting a little antsy for material. I had already side-stepped the glasses bit (and a number of other goading questions about the coaching profession), but he and the writer really, really wanted a critique. So I decided to bite:

AK: "If you would change ONE THING about me, what would it be."
ZA: "I'd improve your posture. Your body has a variety of common postures - each associated with a different mood. When you want to feel less stress, shift your posture, and you'll feel your stress level instantly decrease."

Unfortunately the theory behind my suggestion wasn't shared with the viewing public.

On the phone
While I coached Andy on a park bench (which I have done a few times on gorgeous days for my one-on-one coaching clients in the lower Manhattan area), I conduct the majority of my coaching via telephone. At the time, the producers thought a fun way to end the entire segment would be with a shot of Andy talking on his cell phone, and then a pan/zoom across the street to me on a payphone.

Duct tape gets rid of warts - now we both know

In last week's Best-of episode of NPR's 'Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!' NBC news anchor Brian Williams was asked a series of questions about duct tape - the worlds most useful product.

Turns out it's also better than cryotherapy at removing warts. Here's how to do it, and a link to the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine studies in 2002 that confirmed the treatment.

I'm not a mind reader, just a prognosticator

Remember my post on paparazzi?

I recently taped a segment on life coaching for Late Show with David Letterman where I was one of five life coaches to work with Andy Kindler (a comedian they frequently have on the show - do a search on YouTube for examples of his comedy).

For about 90 minutes on a park bench in Central Park we discussed, among other things, the stresses of a stand-up comedian and relationship issues. We poked fun at life in general, the people watching us, and coaching over the phone.

I have no idea what will make the final edits, but was told by the director, "You're going to be happy with it." So that's a good sign.

I am very thankful to those I contacted for help and advice on how to best prepare for the experience. You were all great! You definitely helped me get in the right mindset by playing up my strengths, and putting the risk and expectations into perspective.

Strengths: My improv and performance background tremendously helpful. While we were talking I was oblivious to the camera, crew, and passers by. I was very calm, and tried to balance coaching Andy on the issues he presented, as well as keeping the mood light (it is a comedy show after all).

Risk and Expectations: People put in this position for the first time are expected to not look good. Anything above that is just bonus.

I'll be given up to 24 hours notice prior to air-date. Which means you'll be given even less to Tivo it. I will send out an email to my newsletter as soon as I get the info. If you're not yet signed up, do so, or check back here daily during November ;)

The music of life

Yesterday I listened in on an interview with Tal Ben-Shahar (Harvard professor who lectures on Positive Psychology) talk about how goals are the means to enjoying the journey. Which goes right along with how I prefer to differentiate between living a life of purpose with high standards vs. a life towards goals with high expectations (I'll elaborate more on this soon).

Alan Watts has a simple comparison between the journey of life and how we listen to music, and the creators of South Park created a fun depiction to emphasize the message in Watt's speech.


(in case you can't see the video - see it directly on YouTube)

(Thanks to Maneu for the link)

?eil a ro ,hturt eht ti si (aka How to Catch a Liar)

(Is it the truth, or a lie?)

Lying can be hard, stressful work. It's been made more difficult by the research in Aldert Vrij's recently updated book - Detecting lies and deceit: The psychology of lying and the implications for professional practice (in press) - which states that a very effective method to detect a false story is to ask the person to tell it backwards.

Turns out that keeping your lies straight is harder when you're being asked to twist them around in your head.

[Thanks to Dan Goldstein for being on the pulse.]

My new favorite question?

"Would you like the subtle satisfaction of knowing your life is awesome?"

I came up with this question while trying to describe what I'd like to feel when people work with me.

However, a problem soon emerged. I couldn't contain the satisfaction level to that of "subtle." Pretty soon I was downright gleeful, and giddy.

It got to the point where I had to coin a new word - "gliddy" (gleeful + giddy).

I now often find myself gently fluctuating between the different states.

Wondering how your life could be awesome too?

The answer to that is simple in concept, but difficult in execution - you have to look at everything that's going on in your life, and not only accept it, but view it as the best thing ever (move over sliced bread!)

(I never claimed this method was original)

Those of you stuck in the objective reality of your situation are SOL (though maybe I can help).