Tips for better sleep

As stated in a previous post stress has a tremendous impact on your quality of life.

Here are some practical tips I’ve shared with people who want to fall asleep more quickly and improve the quality of their rest:

• Figure out how much sleep you need. This may seem obvious, but most people don’t sleep enough. The average adult needs between 7 and 8 hours of sleep. Find your body’s preferred amount, and make that the priority (not the activities that are taking its place). Then set yourself a firm time to get to bed.

• Account for your pre-sleep routine. Most people have between a 15-30 minute routine of things they do before head. The problem is that this time often isn’t accounted for.

• No TV or computer at least 30 minutes before bed. The problem is that TVs and monitors are active light sources (things that emit light). Our bodies are wired to stay extra-alert when looking at an active light source because it usually meant danger.

• Dim the lights. Installing a dimmer switch for your bedroom’s lights or a low-wattage bulb for the lamp near your bed will remind your body that it’s time to relax.

• Reading or listen to something calming. No drama, thrillers, that you can’t put down. No fast beats with engrossing lyrics. Pre-bed time is for winding down; you’re better off reading or listening to something that maintains your interest for about 7 minutes (2-3 pages). That's just enough time to stop thinking about your day and drift away.

• Keep a pad of paper by the bed. If your mind starts racing anyway, use your pad to write down the thoughts as they come in. Don’t worry about grammar or punctuation. Just write. As the words come out, they’ll stay stuck in the page and you’ll be able to unwind. If you don’t they’ll stay stuck in your head and your mind will race trying to remember them for the morning. You’re better off being able to jot them down right away. As a bonus, the physical action of writing can also be tiring.

Remember, you'll sleep better as long as you do one of the above tips. Please don't try to incorporate all of them at once. For best results, pick the tip that most appeals to you then do it for 21 days in a row to ingrain it into your routine before you add another technique.

Have a tip or technique that helps with your own sleep? Please share it in a comment!

(Note: the picture is of me taking a nap in Patagonia back in 2000. My days were packed with rich experiences and I basically had no access to electronic devices. I have never slept so consistently well.)

Overcoming obstacles, hindrances, and the like

I recently brought up an ambitious project with someone close to me. The immediate response was was, "you can't do that."

Two things came up for me:
1) I don't like hearing that I can't do something.
I prefer to explore all the options before believing a term as definite as "can't". Maybe it's the hours I've spent playing Freecell, trying to find my way out of an unpleasant layout.

In any case, I'd much rather determine for myself that I'm in a dead-end than accept the opinion of someone with equally limited information.

2) Of course I can; I just don't know how yet.

I really enjoy coming up with creative solutions to problems - it's one of my strengths (and yours too! If you can imagine why something won't work, you can imagine why it will).

So what's the course of action? Instead of arguing "can vs. can't" shift the conversation to "How can I?"

Check out page 97 of The Gift of Stress for more on how to Change the Questions You Ask Yourself.

One for the broken hearted

My favorite dying line of a movie ...

Harold: I love you.

Maude: Harold... that's wonderful. Go and love some more.

So often we get caught up in the unknown of what will happen after what we're used to ends. That unknown is scary. There's more to the story than we can see at such dramatic times.

You mean the story goes on? I have to love again? But it won't be the same!!

And?

Everything changes and evolves.

I hope you've seen the movie Up. If not, I'm not giving much away when I tell you that the growth depicted of the kid-->old man's love for his friend-->wife is so moving that when I saw it half the audience was in tears. It's a glorious relationship.

But It's when he takes the leap and allows himself to love the scout and bird that he's finally open to the next chapter of his life. And since he's alive, he might as well live. So he makes active choices to decide what he's going to do and who he wants to join him for that part of the journey.

What's the next chapter of your life? What do you want to do?

Confusing stress with motivation

Do you use tension as a motivator? A lot of people put themselves in situations where they feel pressure to finish a project. The problem is that we start making an association that without stress you're not going to do anything.

This is just not true. Once you're doing something you actually find interesting and appealing you the action to follow through comes naturally. The activity actually becomes a labor of love... like eating ice cream.

How much pressure and "motivation" do you need to go to the freezer and set yourself up with a serving of your favorite flavor? I'd say it's pretty effortless - just something within you that gets you up and acting.

The trick is finding that same connection in whatever you've been using stress for.

More on stressless motivation can be found on page 42 in The Gift of Stress.

Why reinvent the wheel?

You've quoted from books, used song lyrics to express yourself, sent a picture that someone else took. Sometimes what you're trying to say has already been said. So why go through the hassle?

Happy holidays everyone!

(credit to the Huffington Post via Anthony King for the photo)

Thanks - my acknowledgement

Yesterday I sent my book to the printer.

I owe a huge debt of gratitude to those who have helped me along the four-year journey of writing The Gift of Stress. I certainly couldn’t have completed this project without the tremendous support of my many friends and colleagues. In particular:

Janice Wright, who helped me get started. Al Desetta, who first put my scattered thoughts and words into one document. Scott Shane Holt and Lyndell Moore, who honed draft after draft. Fran Vogel, Saryn Goldberg and Shreedevi Thacker, who shared much appreciated direction and insight. Kate Addicott, my editor, who sat with me dozens of times and always had the right answer. David Edelstein, one of my oldest friends, who also edited and literally gave shape to the book. Dr. Gideon Orbach, DC, for helping me understand how stress affects the body. Alex Linsker and Michael Weitz, who have helped me be more like myself. Itay Blasenheim, who checks on everything I do. My brother, Ron, who gives the best yay and nay. And my parents,

to whom this book is dedicated, for being honest and enthusiastic.

I also recognize that I could not have learned as much as I have about who I am and what I do without all my workshop attendees, clients, mentors, trainees, coaches, and all the random people I interact with from day to day.

And a happy Thanksgiving to all!

Dealing with perfectionism

Most of the time I'm a big-picture kind of guy, but every once in a while I will get caught up in the minutiae of a project.

You may have heard of the line, "Don't let 'perfect' get in the way of 'good enough.'" I think that's very true, particularly for something subjective and/or evolving (like writing). At some point you have to say, "it's done."

I try to live a life of purpose with high standards. As a result I've put a lot of extra pressure on myself to ensure that I put out something as close to perfect as possible (or at least not inferior). This mindset has resulted in a lot of extra stress. Stress is helpful up to a point (see eustress), but after that it's unproductive (and it always takes a toll on the body).

Fortunately, back in seventh grade science class my friend, Eli, told me, "Zohar, you're perfect minus one."

It was a line he quickly forgot, but it's stuck with me ever since. I can't tell you how much pressure that "minus one" takes off. It gives me permission and acceptance. "Minus one" is really darn close - definitely enough to surpass the "good enough" threshold. And if that's the way I am when I act naturally, well then...

It means my reputation and past performance is solid enough with people who know me to give me the benefit of the doubt - where they expect good things and tolerate or overlook the minus ones.

What about those that don't yet know me? They'll come around. I didn't know the people I currently know until I met them.

I've found that most of the time people get caught up in perfection they've lost touch with (or never had a clear definition) of "good enough."

When in doubt ask for perspective, get some assistance, and reconsider if what's being attempting is worth doing at all.